Does it ever bother you that some of our words can take on different meanings under different circumstances? Take the words like “bother” and “trouble”. Within a simple change of nuance, their meanings can be suddenly opposite.
At a dinner party recently one of the guests looked at the center piece of fresh flowers and exclaimed: “You bothered!” She was expressing her delight in how the host had bothered so much to take care of so many details in such an elegant manner. Which translated into an extraordinary compliment and a splendid expression of gratitude that someone would go to such trouble for the likes of us enjoying the meal.
“Getting into trouble” and “going to a lot of trouble” are two sides of the same word, but they are kissing cousins to “bother”. “Don’t call me…I don’t want to be bothered” is the polar opposite to “I’m honored that you bothered enough to call.”
So just maybe we would all do well in bothering to do better in how we show our appreciations and affections. First of all, it’s figuring out the indicators. We can be so self-centered or self-absorbed that we just don’t get it when someone has gone out of their way to do something beyond the norm of nice. We need a special intuitive knack and a sensitive interpersonal radar that may be nullified by lack of use over time.
When you realize that your host has gone out of her way to make the evening soiree very special because she deeply cares about those people at the table, the proper response goes much deeper than table manners or southern etiquette. Even chivalry can’t hold a candle to such an authentic gesture. A “thank you” simply said from the heart and head is good for a start until it finally dawns on you that there are no adequate words.
There’s a group of people who spring to mind when I think of all the bother they went through on our behalf: our mothers! They nurtured us in their wombs; gave us birth at a certain painful cost; cleaned our diapers; put up with our adolescence; and loved us without flinching. Because they bothered to love us like that, we should be grateful beyond words. Our silence can become gratitude. Rumi reminds us: There’s a voice that doesn’t use words. Listen.