One of the great phrases of the south is “Bless your heart!” Remember Tennessee Ernie Ford; he was always “blessing your little pea-pickin‘ heart.” Many southern-culture-challenged folks don’t quite know what to make of the term. Maybe, some of you youngn’s don’t quite know what to make of it either. So, it might be a good exercise for us to expand its meaning for all of us.
For example, it can be an expression of affection: “Bwess its widdle heaaart.” Although this pronunciation has limited usage, it’s appropriate when speaking to babies and grown dogs.
“Bless your heart!” spoken directly to another adult is exuberant shorthand for “Thank you, you’re so (fill in adjective appropriate to the situation: nice, clever, sweet, thoughtful, smart, etc.)” without having to get specific, which sometimes comes in handy.
I’ve most often heard hearts blessed in this way in response to the delivery of some kind of homemade something. It is not always sincere.
Of course, being Southern, it’s perfectly acceptable to go all the way and say, “Bless your heart! Thank you! You’re just so nice, clever, sweet, thoughtful, smart, etc.” There’s simply no reason to use three words when you can think of nine or 10, that is, unless it’s hot. In July and August, you might want to just say “thanks” and duck back inside where it’s air-conditioned.
Blessing the heart of someone not within earshot allows us to move into a darker realm without giving up our position of piety or superiority. Nearly always, it’s said with a “tsk-tsk” and a sad, slow shake of the head. It’s pity yes, but sometimes, pity masking “I told you so.” Something like this: “Did you hear about Ola Mae? Bless her heart, she has it rough. That husband of hers ran off with his secretary, not that anybody’s surprised.”
The thing about “Bless (blank) heart” is that it‘s a wonderful absolution for what you’re about to say next –– sort of a Southern-fried, reverse Catholicism. Rather than, “Lord forgive me for what I said ” it’s “Lord forgive me for what I’m getting ready to say,” and then going ahead and saying it.
It’s a way we can gossip about our friends and neighbors and distant relatives without sounding quite so mean. And you and I both know, nobody wants to be thought of as mean.
“Well, you know … bless his heart. . . he’s written bad checks all over town.”
There are other phrases I could use, like “God love her” which leaves unsaid “nobody else could”, and “poor thing” and “it’s a shame” but I’ve found I prefer heart-blessing. It’s just so versatile.
All kinds of people, from sociologists to columnists, have tried to pin down just what makes Southerners talk out of both sides of their mouths; why we speak in code.
Know what? Doesn’t matter.
Blessing hearts, saying “y’all,” loving grits and humoring humidity are all part of the rules for getting along down here. Call it manners or chivalry; call it subterfuge; it’s what makes us charming to each other and irritating to our Northern–immigrant neighbors.
Not a bad mix if you ask me. I mean, after all – bless their hearts – not everybody can be Southern.